Dear Editor – My relationship is “out dated”

The picture in today’s blog is huge because I want you to read this article for yourself before reading a fraction of my personal reaction to it. Ready, set, read!

Our “wise” magazine adviser shares that there are only two rules we need to know:

1. Relationships should feel good.

It’s easy to rattle off the phrase that relationships should feel good. But is that what we really want? N0 – let’s ask the more important question, is that how we glorify God? By making certain we always feel “good?” Sorry, Kevin, Betsy, and Emily, I guess that means I have to quit my relationships with all of you. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that I don’t always feel “good” when I’m around you. Don’t you remember that time I went out with you and one of your friends and I felt uncomfortable? Or that time when you forced me to try a new restaurant that I hated? What about that time you confronted me with sin in my life?

But, perhaps our adviser didn’t intend for us to dissect her statement that far. “Healthy” would be a much better adjective. We don’t need to spiral down as a result of destructive friendships and significant others. A “healthy” relationship doesn’t dodge necessary truth or difficulties.

Why? What more is at stake here? A “feel good” relationship is strictly self-centered. The primary focus is on my feelings and whether or not I have been offended. It is blind to the reciprocal nature of a healthy relationship. One that gives and takes and accepts people as God created them. Not one that caters and bows down to you.

2. Mutual graciousness is always in style.

I don’t have much of a rebuttal for this point as it stands. Since the statement is vague, we need to study how the adviser puts this point into practice. I’ll use the author’s own words.

Old-fashioned chivalry may seem appealing, but rigid gender-based conventions – the kind that determine who makes decisions or acts in certain ways – are outdated…After all, chivalry – as it extends to say, opening doors – is fine, if that’s what you want.

Chivalry’s not just dead, I’m fairly certain this author murdered it. The Urban Dictionary defines “chivalry” as “something that’s dead and should stay dead.” Merriam-Webster defines it as “a gallant or distinguished gentleman” or “the system, spirit, or customs of medieval knighthood.”

Knights were called to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves, which mostly included widows and children. 1 Peter 3:7 tells husbands to “live with your wives with an understanding of their weaker nature yet showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

I’m also sad to say that as I researched chivalry, I found a report from Miley Cyrus saying that, despite being engaged to Liam Hemsworth (best known as Gale from The Hunger Games), she feels depressed as she watches romance in films because she does not believe this exists in real life.

This statement really brings up two different issues I will have to blog about at length later, but the short version is that we as women need to stop using romantic novels and “chick flicks” as our guide to relationships and that Miley Cyrus should not be a role model for any of your daughters.

 Let’s move forward without strict rules about which of us does what.

I’ll tip toe a bit more with my words here. We don’t need to confine ourselves into “gender stereotypes.” Women can work, men can do dishes, and they can both pump their own gas into their cars. We don’t need to concern ourselves with the divisions of chores list. We need to concern ourselves with the strict gender roles set out in Scripture – the ones that involve our spiritual life.

Husbands are called to be the spiritual leaders. Ladies, no matter how much you know about Scripture, your husband is to be the head over you. Men, this means you need to be certain to step up to this responsibility to prevent us from falling into the trap of nagging. Ladies, you are to imitate the church and submit to your husbands. This does not mean that you let him make every decision without consulting you. In fact, if you are a Proverbs 31 noble wife, your husband won’t want to make decisions without consulting you.

In summary, this article reminds me that Christianity is counter cultural. We have a different mindset because our perspective is eternal, not temporal. We are concerned with the glorification of Christ not ourselves. We are waging a war over souls, not bank accounts.