Ending Disputes

I don’t often find myself in quarrels. That’s not because I’m some incredibly selfless, patient, understanding person. Rather, it’s because, at my core, I’m a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy – and not just happy – but happy with ME at all times.

So Proverbs 20:3 makes me chuckle when I read it:

Honor belongs to the person who ends a dispute, but any fool can get himself into a quarrel.

How true! There just seem to be some people who go looking for arguments. They get angry over the smallest matters. Rather than explain themselves or make a kind request, they jump straight to the attack.

Just like last Friday. I was trying to accomplish a task for a local nonprofit when someone began to yell at me when I asked for help. When I say “yell,” I mean all-out-angry-you’re-not-better-than-me type words. I was completely caught off guard. Without going into details, I can confidently say that they were being the foolish one. But at the same time, I can’t say that I was gaining honor.

Because even in that situation, I didn’t seek to end the dispute. Honestly, I just waited in stunned silence until the phone call was over. I didn’t provoke the situation and yet I didn’t seek reconciliation either.

Why is that some people can find a fight in anything? Well, according to Proverbs – it’s because they are fools.

I don’t want to be a fool. I want to be honored as a person who ends a dispute. That doesn’t mean I shy away from all controversy or that I let myself get trampled by others to keep the peace. Rather, I find a God-honoring way to address the situation directly. I’m not always great at that route.

How do you handle conflict? Do you tend to be like the fool who thrives on arguments and being right? Or are you an honorable person, seeking an honest and fair resolution to disputes?