Author - Renae Adelsberger

“Is this the room for First Baptist Jackson?” I timidly asked from the doorway.

I had no idea who I was looking for. All I knew was that I was the girl’s summer intern and I had never met a single one of the students. My first day on the job was at a city wide mission trip with a dozen other churches. I was so fresh to the scene I didn’t even know which room our church was sleeping in.

So much has changed since that fear-filled introduction in 2009. I’ve progressed past learning names to being able to anticipate how each girl will react during Sunday School.

This gem of a book was originally handed to my mother, who teaches youth at my home church. She passed it along to me, knowing that I would appreciate it.

I’ll have to admit, I scoffed at first. Clearly I could never improve my small group leader skills. Obviously, I always have it together. Why should I waste my time reading this book? One quick flip through the pages showed me there were actually 162 thoughts for small group leaders – not 99. Come on, guys, edit.

I left the book on my night stand a few weeks before moving it into my car. Maybe I’ll read it on my lunch breaks. It sat for another week.

I decided that if we aren’t supposed to judge a book by its cover, I shouldn’t judge this book by its editors inability to count to 99. Wielding my peanut butter sandwich, I began reading.

The book is concise and to the point. The sections end with testimonials from teachers just like me telling a short anecdote about what they’ve learned. I found myself refreshed. I’m not convinced that 4 years makes me a “veteran,” but it was good to be reminded of the basics of good small group leadership. And, they are correct, serving as a small group leader is a thankless job. I was, however, encouraged to be able to say that I am following most all of their major pieces of advice.

Since the new school year is upon us, this is the ideal time to read this book. Get a few copies and circulate them through your youth ministry.  Sit down with your leaders and discuss what they think their strengths and weaknesses are. My coteacher and I are terrific friends. We teach with unity that only Christ brings between people. But if you’re new to this youth ministry gig, this book is a great way to get you on the same page as everyone else.

As a way of further promotion, I’ll include my top favorite pieces of advice (you will, however, have to read the book for the authors’ commentary on each point):

3 Messages of Relational Ministry

#24 “I care”
#25 “You matter to me.”
#26 “I’m proud of you.”

What to do if the line between leader and friend is blurred

#120 Analyze the situation.
#121 Talk to a trusted friend.
#122 Be the leader.

The Appreciation Vacuum

#150 You won’t get thanked very often.
#151 You will hear more about problems than praise.
#152 Your strength must come from your walk with God.

 

You can buy the book online here or even watch a brief word from the author Joshua Griffin here.

The picture in today’s blog is huge because I want you to read this article for yourself before reading a fraction of my personal reaction to it. Ready, set, read!

Our “wise” magazine adviser shares that there are only two rules we need to know:

1. Relationships should feel good.

It’s easy to rattle off the phrase that relationships should feel good. But is that what we really want? N0 – let’s ask the more important question, is that how we glorify God? By making certain we always feel “good?” Sorry, Kevin, Betsy, and Emily, I guess that means I have to quit my relationships with all of you. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that I don’t always feel “good” when I’m around you. Don’t you remember that time I went out with you and one of your friends and I felt uncomfortable? Or that time when you forced me to try a new restaurant that I hated? What about that time you confronted me with sin in my life?

But, perhaps our adviser didn’t intend for us to dissect her statement that far. “Healthy” would be a much better adjective. We don’t need to spiral down as a result of destructive friendships and significant others. A “healthy” relationship doesn’t dodge necessary truth or difficulties.

Why? What more is at stake here? A “feel good” relationship is strictly self-centered. The primary focus is on my feelings and whether or not I have been offended. It is blind to the reciprocal nature of a healthy relationship. One that gives and takes and accepts people as God created them. Not one that caters and bows down to you.

2. Mutual graciousness is always in style.

I don’t have much of a rebuttal for this point as it stands. Since the statement is vague, we need to study how the adviser puts this point into practice. I’ll use the author’s own words.

Old-fashioned chivalry may seem appealing, but rigid gender-based conventions – the kind that determine who makes decisions or acts in certain ways – are outdated…After all, chivalry – as it extends to say, opening doors – is fine, if that’s what you want.

Chivalry’s not just dead, I’m fairly certain this author murdered it. The Urban Dictionary defines “chivalry” as “something that’s dead and should stay dead.” Merriam-Webster defines it as “a gallant or distinguished gentleman” or “the system, spirit, or customs of medieval knighthood.”

Knights were called to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves, which mostly included widows and children. 1 Peter 3:7 tells husbands to “live with your wives with an understanding of their weaker nature yet showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

I’m also sad to say that as I researched chivalry, I found a report from Miley Cyrus saying that, despite being engaged to Liam Hemsworth (best known as Gale from The Hunger Games), she feels depressed as she watches romance in films because she does not believe this exists in real life.

This statement really brings up two different issues I will have to blog about at length later, but the short version is that we as women need to stop using romantic novels and “chick flicks” as our guide to relationships and that Miley Cyrus should not be a role model for any of your daughters.

 Let’s move forward without strict rules about which of us does what.

I’ll tip toe a bit more with my words here. We don’t need to confine ourselves into “gender stereotypes.” Women can work, men can do dishes, and they can both pump their own gas into their cars. We don’t need to concern ourselves with the divisions of chores list. We need to concern ourselves with the strict gender roles set out in Scripture – the ones that involve our spiritual life.

Husbands are called to be the spiritual leaders. Ladies, no matter how much you know about Scripture, your husband is to be the head over you. Men, this means you need to be certain to step up to this responsibility to prevent us from falling into the trap of nagging. Ladies, you are to imitate the church and submit to your husbands. This does not mean that you let him make every decision without consulting you. In fact, if you are a Proverbs 31 noble wife, your husband won’t want to make decisions without consulting you.

In summary, this article reminds me that Christianity is counter cultural. We have a different mindset because our perspective is eternal, not temporal. We are concerned with the glorification of Christ not ourselves. We are waging a war over souls, not bank accounts.

I snuggled into the couch and flipped open to the bookmark. Kevin noticed and asked, “How’s the romance novel?”

“It’s not a romance novel!” I asserted, indignant that he would accuse me of such a thing. “It’s a Christian fiction book about Hosea and his wife.”

As I finished the chapter and began the next, I put the book down and looked at my husband. “Kevin, I have to tell you something.”

“What?”

“I think this is a romance novel.” I picked the book up once again, less enthusiastic about the plot to come.

As a volunteer with my church’s youth group, I get a lot of questions from both parents and students asking if I would recommend a good book or a movie. One book that I comes up a lot is Francine Rivers’ Redeeming Love.

I will admit, I read Redeeming Love five or so years ago and don’t remember thinking anything bad about it. As a former English major (once an English major – always an English major), I am a critic of all literature. So I do remember that the book was “cheesy” as many Christian fiction books can be. But I also remembered enjoying the book and feeling refreshed afterwards.

But then I read it again this summer.

I was shocked. Let me get out all my positive feedback on the front end. Francine Rivers paints a very clear picture of the forgiving nature of God’s love. She unabashedly used the book of Hosea to craft her plot, even allowing the characters the freedom to discuss the book openly. And (spoiler alert) the prostitute becomes a Christian at the end. It wouldn’t be a Christian fiction book otherwise…or would it?

Excuse me, my English major is showing. Unfortunately, my Christian nonfiction life never seems to end with unicorns and skittles. Instead, it’s messy. It’s unknown. It’s a continued journey of trusting God.

But let’s stick with just a couple of reasons why I would strongly urge you parents out there to read the book before passing it along to your daughters.

1. Though Rivers does not use obscene language, she paints graphic mental images without them. Some of which include a daughter waiting outside while her mother (and later while her nanny) have sexual intercourse. She frequently relates exactly what the girl is hearing. It is also abundantly clear that she is a full-blown prostitute. No question about what’s happening repeatedly inside her room. Two examples include her husband walking in on her during the act with another man and later in their marriage him forcing her to repeatedly say her name during the act.

2. The main character’s husband, Michael Hosea, never messes up. Not even a little bit. He is patient and kind and caring, even when his wife returns to prostitution. Plus, he is buff and tan. As a married woman, I don’t need to fill my head with unrealistic expectations of marriage. Don’t misunderstand – I love Kevin. And he is patient and kind and caring when I don’t deserve it. But we’re two sinners who made a covenant together. And that sin is seen. In the book it’s not.

3. I’m not convinced I would want my unwed daughter (or little sisters in Christ) reading a book that heavily revolves around sexual intercourse. Now, of course, you can’t really tone down what’s happening in the book of Hosea. And Rivers does use that emotion to point the readers to Christ. But I’m afraid there is so much emphasis on sexual intercourse that single girls of all ages are left fantasizing about this experience.

4. The main’s character’s life is just, well, sad. She tells us in depth that she was sold into prostitution as a child. She even goes so far as to tell us about the men who preferred to spend their “quality time” with children. And, sadly, as the plot progresses she explains that she had many abortions as a result of her profession.

Let’s get one fact straight: I am not your daughter’s parent. (You probably don’t believe this at this point – but I’m not a book prude. I love challenging literature.) This book has sold over a million copies, which is nothing to shrug at. Clearly it has hit a point of interest across generations. One young girl created a YouTube video as a tribute to the book. The book itself has 255,459 likes on Facebook. It has been translated into 23 different languages. You can even watch an Interview with Francine Rivers on how she got on track with God and He used her gift to write this book.

And, for as many negative aspects as I have pointed out, I have to admit that I enjoyed the book. Cheesiness aside, Rivers twisted my emotions so that I could relate to this main character. I understood that I am the bride of Christ. My sin is just as ugly as prostitution. But God still wants a relationship with me. He wants me to repent and trust that His redeeming love can save and purify me.

This book has many redeeming qualities (pun intended). But especially as a leader of students, I feel the need to warn you. This book may not be what you want your daughter reading at bedtime. Read it first. If you decide to pass it to your daughter, be certain to have talking points ready. Be a family that discusses Christ and guide your child into a mature relationship with Him. You can purchase redeeming love here or even go to Francine River’s website.

I was once told that in order to understand the rest of the Bible, you first had to accept these four English words – “in the beginning God”.

Was a day really 24 hours? Was the earth created with age? How long has the earth existed?

I have been asked all these questions in the past month. My answer – I don’t know. What do I know? In the beginning God. Period. That statement in Scripture is difficult enough for me to bend my  mind around.

Don’t get lost in arguments over matters not explained to us in God’s Word.

1. Accept your limitations. After all, what good is a God that we can figure out?

2. Take comfort in His presence. The same God in this verse is the One working in you today.

3. Don’t dwell too long on this one verse. If you spend your life debating a certain creationist viewpoint, you might miss opportunities to share the rest of the story.

Remember – this is only the beginning of the story. It gets better after this.

Why do we care about the fruit of the spirit so much that we teach it to children in the form of a song?

Why are we as Christians supposed to bear good fruit?

Galatians chapter 6 concludes with these thoughts from verse 7-9:

Don’t be deceived: God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows he will also reap, because the one who sows to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit. So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.

This tells us that whatever we sow, we will also reap. We are to bear good fruit and multiply.

God expects to see us bear fruit. Sounds easy, right? But as we’ve read through this short blog series on the fruit of the spirit, it’s evident that there are a lot of forces and desires working against us.

It’s difficult to bear good spiritual fruit. It’s tiresome. It’s downright impossible with our own strength. But the Gospel is on the line.

We are to live out the Gospel in words and in actions. As the quote goes, our lives might be the only Gospel a person sees. But our words are just as important. They have to work together for the glory of God and for the good of our souls.

Why should we push forward? As the passage said, we will reap what we sow. If we spend our time, money, efforts, and attention pursuing the passions of the world, we will receive corruption from the flesh. But, if we turn our attention away from ourselves and to our Maker, we will receive eternal life from the Spirit.

Drop the excuses. Drop the statements- I would be patient with him but you just don’t understand. Drop the – Why should I be kind to her when she’s constantly rude to me?

Here’s our one question: Are you going to live for the glory of God or for the praise of man? If you want to reap righteousness, you need to sow the proper seeds.